Out here, the ground was covered in fallen brown leaves, just beginning to decompose. It reminded Anders of how fall seemed like just yesterday. It was melancholic. 

Now, in the quiet February air, Anders felt the passage of time overcome him. He’d let these past months slip by him in just an instant. He’d lost those months, trapped in a cycle of boundless thoughts and wasting away days being, by his own standards, unproductive. It all just felt too real. 

He walked to his favorite spot, past all the trees and into a clearing. It was situated on a slight hill, and if Anders stood in just the right place, he could see the rows of shops lining the main street of town. He had it all mapped out in his mind, the stores. But from here, he was so deprived of any hint of character or detail, that it seemed strangely mundane.

He came to rest on a large rock which protruded from the grass. He could feel the cold seeping through his flannel pants, chafing the back of his legs.

It was peaceful enough out here that Anders could let his guard down. He sighed, finally finding a moment of solace. 

But soon, memories and thoughts pooled in Anders’ mind again. Faces and words flashed in front of his eyes, too fleeting to be remembered. Anders took it all in. He saw himself in the midst of it, sitting idly, refusing to be consumed by the whirlwind of nature. The world kept passing by. Anders’ heart kept pounding.

                                                                ≫≪

“Anders! I had a feeling I’d see you here again.” Claudia was outside, walking her dog. Focusing on slipping through the yard and towards the front door, Anders had barely noticed. And besides, the sun had already set. It was hard to make out any faraway details in the faint light of dusk.

“Claudia, hey,” said Anders, feeling more eager to talk this time. The dog, which looked to be vaguely Beagle-like, sniffed the moistened cuffs of Anders’ pants. Anders smiled.

“Back from a night out with friends again?” Claudia approached Anders, wrapping the handle of her dog’s leash around her forearm.

“No. I was just… out for a walk in the woods. How long have I been gone?” Anders squeezed his eyelids shut, realizing it hadn’t really sounded the way he’d wanted it to. “I mean… what time is it?” 

Claudia smiled patiently before taking out her glittery, pink-cased cell phone from her pocket. “It’s a quarter to eight. Just about.” 

“Oh. I’ve been out here for a while,” Anders mused, realizing he’d forgotten to bring his phone.

“You alright?” asked Claudia, raising her eyebrow. 

“I’ll be okay. I just needed… y’know… an escape,” Anders shut his eyes again, pressing his thumb in the divot between his eyebrows and the bridge of his nose, grasping for any sense of coherence. In Anders’ mind, Claudia would certainly think he was crazy now, if she didn’t already. 

When Anders opened his eyes, Claudia remained there, looking up at him intently. 

“Sorry. I’ve been kind of out of it today,” Anders sighed, noticing that Claudia’s expression changed to one of concern.

“Hey, it’s alright,” said Claudia, softening her tone. “My friends are over right now.” She pointed to her house, whose interior was too far away for Anders to make out. “But you know – if you ever need me – I’m here.” 

Claudia sounded sincere, but perhaps she was now speaking with sympathy. Anders could tell by the way her voice would pitch up a little at the beginning of each breath. 

“Oh. Um, thank you.” Anders couldn’t really manage to say anything beyond that. And in an instant, Claudia was back inside. She probably wouldn’t give him another thought.

There was a weird absence again, now that Anders was alone. The wind picked up, blowing Anders’ hair in front of his face. He tucked a few loose strands behind his ears and sunk deeper into his father’s jacket. Speaking of which – his parents must have come home while he was away. Anders took note of his dad’s blue Wrangler in the driveway. 

In the frigid, quiet darkness, Anders suddenly found himself drawn to the streetlights. Their ambient humming noise was ever present whenever he was alone out here, but Anders never gave it much thought. This time, the sound felt… jarring. Anders figured it was just a surge of electricity or something along those lines. After all, the infrastructure in the town was a little out of date. 

He hesitated going inside. Everything was fine inside. It would be warmer. Brighter. More personable. But he lingered on his porch for a moment, just watching the sky darken, listening to the crackling static around him. 

As Anders looked across the row of houses on his block, he saw dimmed lights through curtained windows. It was rather lonely.

At least he had the company of the streetlights, which shone quite effectively despite their broken mechanics. In the isolated sky, they shone for him and only him.

We are shaped by the cracks that form around us.

Seventeen-year-old Anders Swan has never cared about how the world perceives him. He’s used to being a cellist and computer nerd in a sea of future soldiers at his military preparatory school. And in his clique of football-player friends, he is constantly reminded that he is an outcast. But when Anders starts to experience a distorted reality that seemingly no one else can see, he turns to Wishbone – a mysterious internet forum – in the hopes that someone will finally understand him. As Anders continues to spiral downwards, his online presence grows, and the line between the physical and digital worlds begins to blur.

I am thrilled to announce the upcoming publication of my novel, Wires.

My book has evolved immensely since originating as the seedling of an idea that struck me one day in May of 2023. It has been an incredible process— one that has taught me patience and dedication.

Wires is set in 2013 in the Northeastern suburbs, much like the ones I’ve lived in all my life. The story is heavily inspired by my experiences growing up and discovering Flash games on my family computer. I have always been mesmerized by the strange, abyssal library of content on the internet. To this day, I often find myself exploring discussions and archives on the internet, especially about linguistics and my favorite music.

Contrary to my own enriching online experiences, Wires aims to explore the darker side of internet usage. Anders sees his online presence as an escape, but of course, he is only really escaping the material world around him.

I am beyond thankful to all my readers, present and future! I’ll see you soon, and I’ll update you with more details in future posts.

Read on!

Emi

I started this website to explore my interest in writing. I have been writing for over a decade, and have experimented with poetry, short stories, op-eds, memoirs, research, and more. Writing is a way for me to personify the random thoughts which my mind gravitates towards, synthesizing my personal worldview with my interests. In particular, I have always felt a natural inclination towards linguistics, leading me down many extensive paths of independent research.

I enjoy the interdisciplinary aspects of these fields, especially their relation to history, science, and math. As a computer science and chemistry student, I found many converging themes within the natural and social sciences.

I am from New York State, adjacent to the Taconic Mountains and Hudson Highlands, where I’m surrounded by amazing natural landscapes. I love gardening, which is quite intrinsic to me because I live on a decommissioned farm and work part-time as a florist.

For the past few years, I have been studying Mandarin and French (I briefly studied Russian as well). Someday, I would like to learn a language from each part of the world and also contribute to the preservation of endangered languages.

In my free time, you can likely find me playing the analog synthesizer. I’m learning how to create ambient electronic music, which is quite relaxing, but requires a lot of patience.

My current passion project is a psychological-thriller novel which I hope to self-publish in 2025. It has been in development since May of 2023. Please feel free to contact me if you’d be interested in becoming a beta reader.

Enjoy your stay!

Sincerely,

Emi